Grieving is more than what we expect.
One ordinary night, when you thought everything was fine, turned out into a nightmare. A tormented night that no one will ask for. The night I lost my Mom. The pain was soul-deep.
That episode of my life, gave me much realizations. It reminded me the time that I lost with her. The feeling of losing her is unbearably intense and life-changing. We do many things in our lives that are irrecoverable. Moments and memories are squandered and wasted. The sad part is, we only realize the importance of things around us when they are gone.
That moment, while my eyes are with bucket of tears, I looked at her and told myself, if I can just have one more day to spend with her and do nothing, but to let her feel how I love her and how important she is for me. The thought of “I could have done this to her since the beginning”. Unfortunately, I can’t anymore and it’s too late, no matter how I love to take back those chances again.
We usually spend time lavishly for nothing and we always convince ourselves, (in vernacular) “Maintindihan naman ni Lord yan”, “May ibang araw pa naman eh”, “Saka na lang”, “ Bukas na lang” What if today is our last chance? When that scenario happened, I had questions in my mind, “What shall I do now?”, “Will I be given another chance to turn back times?”.
Then God talked to me and reminded me the importance of time. Like the famous adage “Time Is Gold”. Every second, every minute is as important as our heartbeats. This is what I learned from the death of my beloved mother. Yes, it’s true, the pain is excruciating yet I still feel so blessed. God made me realize this thing – TIME. No matter how busy we are, let us always find time to say “I Love You,” “Thank You” to our loved ones, especially to God. Let us not waste time while we still have the chance. Let us make the most of it in serving God because when our time stops, it can never be regained. God used Mama’s death an instrument to stir up my heart in serving HIM. I may be so idle and wasted much time in His church before.
Moreover, the last verse that touched my heart. My Mom quoted this verse in her notebook before she died. Psalm 139: 1-3 “ You have searched me Lord and you know me ,You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar, you discern my going out and my lying down you are familiar with all my ways” This verse comforted me so much. While reading this, I realized that she is ready even before God took her. The pain of losing someone is just a small price compared to the amount of God's love for us in HIS KINGDOM.